Welcoming the New Year with Friendly Resolutions

It is believed that the Babylonians were the first to make New Year's resolutions, and people all over the world have been breaking them ever since. The early Christians believed the first day of the new year should be spent reflecting on past mistakes and resolving to improve oneself in the new year.

These early resolutions focused on emotional and spiritual issues, it was much later that they changed into narcissistic goals designed to better our outer being instead of improving our inner being. The earlier resolutions focused on becoming kinder,tolerant individuals, they did not force us into a gym for an almost unattainable hard body.

People vowed to be better parents, spouses and friends. They promised to work on being tolerant, forgiving and understanding. Often times their pledges would include spiritual elements such as vowing to better honor their own personal God, and carry those values into everyday life.

When did it become mandatory to make resolutions that would send us spiraling into a pit of guilt and depression because we didn't go to the gym, or stop eating sugar so we could be a perfect size 5 (or the male equilvelant of a svelt waist line)? A recent study, that I would love to reference here if I had remembered to bookmark it, stated that the average size of women in the US is a size 12. If the majority of confident, talented women that hold down jobs, raise kids and do charity work are a size 12, how can that be a bad thing? Size is just that, size. It can be affected by metabolism, thyroid, medication, bad backs and a myriad of other condtions, so don't let those glossy magazine covers make you feel bad about yourself. Size is in no way a measure of a persons intellect, talent, work ethic or commitment to health.

As the new year barrels down on us like a speeding freight train, don't set yourself up for a bout of guilt and depression by jumping on the resolution bandwagon with unrealistic goals. Make healthy choices and live life to the fullest as much as possible.

I'm suggesting that perhaps one of the best things you can give up for the New Year, is guilt. Put major life changes on a back-burner until you are rested from the holiday hoopla and mentally able to handle it. Think carefully about your resolutions and make sure you set realistic goals.

Perhaps we should take a page from our ancestor's book as we make our resolutions for 2009. Our energy may be best served by focusing on small things we can do to improve not only our daily lives, but those we encounter as well.

• Be a better driver. Aggressive driving and speeding will, on average, only save you two minutes. (You know the feeling of passing someone only to have them show up in your mirror at the next red light) Is two minutes worth all the stress? Are you a bumper rider? Do you know the stress of maintaining this level of alertness will remain in your already achy muscles long after you have parked your car. You aren't the only one to feel pressured during a hurried drive, your stress will rub off on everyone you encounter. This type of behavior can also cause an accident resulting in injury or death. By making a resolution to be a better driver you can improve the day of your fellow commuters.

• Sample a new food every week, open your horizons.

• Create a new nickname for yourself.

• We all have our private pity parties when we live through weeks of break-thru pain and fatigue. When things get bad our minds filter out the good and let negativity rise to the surface. One important promise you can make is to make a list of good things when you may be feeling your worst. I know this sounds like some new-age jargon, but bear with me. If writing hurts your hands, open notepad or another program on your computer and type it out.
  
  What have you done in the past week, two weeks, a month that nobody else could have done? Did you calm a frightened child with a boo-boo as you bandaged a cut? Have you taken care of cherished pets no matter how bad you felt? Did you listen to the problems of a friend or relative as they experienced a crisis of their own? Did you reach out to someone on your online support group when they needed a kind word? Did you lengthen your time in a check out line to let an elderly person or pregnant woman go before you? Write it all down, you may be amazed at how many good things you are still accomplishing when things seem the bleakest.

• Pay it forward. Do something nice for at least one person each week.

• Smoking. Unless you have lived under a rock for the past 50 years, you know that smoking is bad for your health. If you plan to stop smoking, a New Years resolution may not be the best way to go. The majority of people who throw out their cigarettes and go cold turkey on New Years day fail, experiencing guilt when they resume the habit. Instead, make a resolution to talk to your doctor about quitting. Research the topic on the internet and work on setting up a support system. Once all the pieces are in place you can implement your plan in a calm manner after the holiday hoopla.

• Diets. If you need to lose weight for health purposes it is obvious that you have to do something. Make a resolution to talk to your doctor and research nutrition needs before jumping on a fad diet that will leave you hungry and doomed for failure. Slow and steady wins the race and insuring your nutritional needs will leave you healthy and better able to maintain your weight.

• Vow to tell everyone important in your life that you love them, put it in writing if you can't say it aloud.

• Spin a globe and randomly pick a country. Immerse yourself in learning about the people, food and customs.

• Vow to flip your mattress, toss out an old dishrag and buy a new toothbrush. Simple but important.

• Vow to forgive a person who has hurt you in the past and feel good for both of you.

• Let go and let a hair dresser or barber have their way with your locks. Change can be empowering.

• Pick up a musical instrument you have shoved into a forgotten closet.

• Leave judgement at home. That man/woman you meet on the sidewalk with soiled clothing, uncut, greasy hair may be someone who has lost a job due to the economy, illness or injury. Reserve judgement as he/she may be homeless due to circumstances that could hit any of us at anytime. You will feel much better about yourself if you treat them like the viable humans that they are.

• Be tolerant of the aged. We have all been stuck behind that slow moving car that doesn't seem to have a driver! Then you notice the lopsided pom-pom perched atop a knit hat that barely reaches the headrest. I'll let you in on a secret, that will be you some day! You will grow old, your reflexes will wither and your eyesight will fade, but you will still need medication and food, hopefully you will be able to retrieve it with a bit of dignity. Think how you would feel if, at the age of 80, you encountered people who ride your bumper, blow their horn and make obscene gestures as you made your way to the store. The person in that car could be your Grandparent or your parents.Think before you react.

• Be tolerant and avoid stereotypes. Just because someone is a different religion or race doesn't mean that you know what they are about. Ignore the media and other sources of "typing" and get to know what is in their heart before judging them. Agree to disagree, many people of varying faiths, beliefs and lifestyles can love and embrace each other. Just because you don't adhere to a certain belief doesn't mean that someone can't enrich your life.

• Promise to get together with family and friends at least once a month.

• Vow to donate a part of the money normally spent on vanity items to a worthy cause. Do you need that 50.00 haircut or can you get by with a 12.00 trim? Take the extra money and donate it to a women's shelter, a children's home, an animal shelter or any cause dear to you.
  
  On a limited income? You can still help by dropping a quarter into a collection jar near the register at almost any store in the nation. Many animal shelters, and volunteer no-kill shelters crave donations of small, affordable items from .99 cents to 20.00. You can donate a gallon of bleach for cage cleaning, inexpensive chew toys, rags, dog food, brushes and leashes.

• Vow to be a better parent. Spend fewer hours at work, playing video games, shopping, attending committee meetings and connect with your kids. Listen with both ears and find out what is going on in their life and what is important to them, you will be awed by the scope of knowledge and wisdom concealed in your childs' head. 

• Work on delegating responsibility. If you are a triple A who re-cleans the bathroom after someone else has cleaned it, perhaps it is time to let go. You may not want to admit it, but other people can cook, clean, fold laundry and successfully bake things. If they don't pair socks the way you like, does that make the socks any less clean?

• We have a standard 40 hour work week in the US, yet those who work from home, or those unable to work do not give themselves the same consideration. Give yourself time off, nobody can work 7 days a week. Be good to yourself and take at least one day per week to feed your soul.

• Make a resolution to get in touch with something that used to excite you. Birdwatching, writing poetry, crafting, cooking, sewing, reading, painting, interior design, no matter the interest, vow to revisit it. Adjust your standards to your current income and get involved in anyway you can.

• Let someone with fewer items than you go ahead of you in line.

• Stuck in traffic? Take a second to let someone merge, you will not only make their day better, you will feel pretty good about yourself.

• Don't let the countries litigious climate stop you from doing something good. If you see a child crying outside of a store, grab an employee for back-up and comfort the child until you locate their parent.

• If you see someone struggling at the side of the road with a flat tire, stop, and from the safety of your car ask if you can call for help.

• When your 9 year old rants about Webkinz or a pop singer, don't tune them out. To you this trend, or any other trend seems foolish, but to a 9 year old it is IMPORTANT! Find that place as a parent where what is important to your child becomes important to you.

The media bombards us with images of people who are pretty, handsome, buffed, made-up, talented, hard-working, politically correct beings with perfect teeth, all created by clever copywriters and skilled PhotoShop operators. Being talented does not make you a good person, being a size 5 doesn't make you a good person, being hard-working or politically correct doesn't make you a good person. What will make you a good person is balance and common sense. More importantly, remember to be good to yourself and others as you journey into the New Year.

Jane Kohler

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